What's In A Name?

In one of my favorite book series "The Inheritance Cycle" I have found some lessons that have been very important to me. One of these lessons involve the Forsworn. The basics of the book series is about the main characters Eragon and Saphira (Human rider and the Dragon) and their journey trying to take down an evil dragon rider king who is causing havoc and death throughout the land. Part of the recent history of this fantasy world includes the Forsworn. They were dragon riders and, following the commands of this evil king Galbatorix, started to destroy and exterminate all other dragon riders, their partner dragons, and wild dragons under no magical bond. There were 13 of them and sought to be the only ones with dragons.

This world involves magic which can be manipulated and dragons, wild or having a rider, have great access to that magic and can sometimes use it to obtain feats that many magicians would never be able to. When the non-Forsworn dragons realized what was going on, they combined their powers and in an inexplicable feat of magic, stripped the Forsworn dragons of their names and ability to describe themselves.

The spell included things like names, birth names, true names (long story but it's part of the series), creature name, and any other kind of identity. Any attempt at describing themselves created an identity with labels and the moment they did, it became nothing. It was non-existent and there was no way for them to use it anymore. For example, because of the spell, the dragons couldn't say "I like to eat sheep," or "I am the color green" because that would be describing, or rather, giving a name for themselves.

The spell was so terrible that at least five of the thirteen dragons and even several of their dragon riders went mad as a result.

As all labels and identities were ripped away by the magic, there was nothing left but mindless savages who had no thought of their own left to be victims of survival.

Last year I went out with a group of friends for dinner. I was the 5th wheel to two male and female couples. We had good food and were having good discussions about life. One of the wives had taken an interest in me coming out and had so many deep, profound, and authentic questions. As the conversation went on, the husband of said wife looked at me and asked why we need a label. He asked why I had to identify as a gay member of the church. He told me that his only experience with gay men was when he and his brother were teenagers and the gay men across the street tried to seduce them to come over and do certain things with them. As he shared his story, he seemed upset and ready to have an argument.

Cody, Iesha, and I got matching sunglasses. We feel quite fabulous

The feeling of fight or flight flooded my body. I was ready to retort with a comment that finally a straight man might have come close to the feeling of a woman when men relentlessly make unwanted advances. I decided to keep my mouth shut. I personally hate confrontation unless necessary. With such anger in those eyes, I also knew that there wasn't anything I could say that could make a change in his heart at that moment. He was speaking his truth that he knew and that was all he knew at the moment.

Why does anyone have labels and why do the LGBTQ+ people get to claim our labels if we want to. Why do I get to be happy to have the title of a man who is gay and also be happy to have the title of being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints?

First and foremost, the definition of "label" that I am talking about is "a descriptive or identifying word or phrase."

I have had the desire to feel grounded and understand who I am and I feel most if not all humans do as well. To have an identity is to have a strength and confidence to move forward on who you are. I don't enjoy the feeling of lack of control where I get tossed like a leaf in a whirlwind. We as humans desire the ability to control and not feeling that control can drive us to various reactions. When a group of people decide to take control from others and put them in a label where they don't fit, it can have negative results. Regardless if it's for their own understanding, it doesn't work out well in the end.

Labeling has shaped our world and entire human experience.

How would we know who the Romans were if there was nothing to define themselves? Who are the Greeks, the Vikings, the Mongols, or Americans without a label to define who they are. With no name, no identity, and eventually no purpose, there would have been no connection to become a people of great influence.

Would we have religions? Would we have government parties? Prejudice? If there was no label or difference for Tutsis and Hutus in Rwanda, would they have had reason enough to fuel a genocide in 1994 leaving between 500,000 to 1,074,17 dead? What is crying? What is laughing? Would we know the difference between a Lion and a Leopard? What is a tree? How about a tornado? Pop music? Russia? A chair? Would we be able to say that you like dogs if you didn't know what it was? Can you imagine not having a favorite food? Which medicine would we take when we were sick? What is joy? What is sadness?

Nothing would have meaning.

Sydney and me. I'm so blessed to call her my friend.

What if someone demanded that a wild Grizzly Bear in front of them be labeled how a Teddy bear is defined therefore it has no danger because they think the meaning isn't what it actually is. Well..... You're probably gonna die because that label and definition that you claim it to have, was unfortunately incorrect.

Now, to get to my point of this blog post. In Wikipedia, Labeling theory is the theory of how the self-identity and behavior of individuals may be determined or influenced by the terms used to describe or classify them. It says, "There is a labeling theory that corresponds to homosexuality. Alfred Kinsey and his colleagues were the main advocates in separating the difference between the role of a homosexual and the acts one does. An example was that there was an idea that a male doing "feminine" acts is easily gay."

For many people, the understanding that the label "gay" means that there is a correlated action which is promiscuity. In reality, the label "gay" describes, and only describes, the attraction that a person has and who it is to. The same gender. The label "straight" means you are attracted to someone of the opposite gender.

Defining labels to others who are not similar to you is a dangerous game that builds false confidence. It can lead you down a path that makes you feel you understand who they are and what their life entails. By choosing what you think makes someone good, bad, broken, whole, and more, results in misunderstanding and contention will eventually manifest.

When I think of "labels," I think of stickers. When I think of "label stickers", I think of the picture book called, "You Are Special." If you haven't read it, the story-line is of a township of wooden people who go around and put stickers on each other. You're given a star if you do something awesome and you're given a nasty olive green circle if you fail at something. If you can do a back flip without failing, they give you a star. If you mess up the back flip, you're given a circle. Sometimes you get more stars because you have a lot of stars or you get more circles if you have a lot of circles. Everyone goes around judging each other as a vital part of their daily routine. The main character, Punchinello, is feeling down because he keeps getting circles when he wants to get stars. That sounds like us wanting to get attention for doing something flawlessly right? The desire for attention so we don't feel isolation is a powerful feeling. Punchinello meets a wooden girl who doesn't have any stickers on her at all. When someone tries to put a star or a circle on her, the sticker just falls off. He asks her how she does it and she refers him to "the maker." He goes and meets the maker who says that Punchinello is special and was made to be exactly how he is. He was not made to be something he wasn't. He wasn't supposed to be someone who could do amazing back flips or cook a steak to perfection (medium thank you very much). As Punchinello walks away from the wood shop where the maker works, you see a sticker fall off.

We give each other labels all the time. Cool, weird, tall, short, mentally challenged, fun, awesome, social butterfly, okay, annoying, easy to be around, level-headed, prideful, humble, hater, lazy, smart,  and so many more. Some labels can change. One can go from mediocre artist to amazingly talented. One can go from insufferable to quite attractive. One can go from good friend to enemy. Labels can be thrown around as quickly as a 4 year old denying an incoming phone call so they can keep watching youtube. If you're not familiar with how fast it is, it's about the same as the speed of light.

One of my labels is gay. I have many labels and people who know me or even know of me will label me with different things. Annoying, kind, friendly, stupid, arrogant, good listener, stubborn, funny, cool, popular, weird, and more. Those labels have definitely been correct in many ways and at different times have applied. Other labels I have, which are ones I love the most, are uncle, son, brother, friend, gay, member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and son of God. The last one is especially a favorite of mine.

Some labels can be temporary. Some are determined by how others view of you. To quote Glinda from the play Wicked, "Are people really born wicked? Or is wickedness thrust upon them?" I don't know about all situations, labels, and "ways of being" staying permanent. I believe that my ulcers will one day not be there and I can be stomach-acid free for an eternity. Man I cannot WAIT for that day! I won't have a label of "weaker gastrointestinal system." The whole idea of being gay or not in the afterlife is a subject I'm not really willing to tackle with most people. The reason behind that is because most people who want to talk about it have an idea in their mind and refuse to listen to anything else.

My reasoning is that we just don't know so it's obviously not that important. If it was, we would be given the exact details. Who knows how the judgement to determine our final destination is going to be. Each seminary teacher told me something different. You sit down in front of a TV and watch your good actions and then you sit in shame as you watch all the bad things. Another said it's like a court hearing. Another said it just kinda magically goes poof and you're either with God or you're not.

I want to sit down with my Heavenly Father and Savior and just be with them. I want to laugh, talk, good cry, bad cry, hug, maybe cry some more, and even get my questions answered. However, that's just a wish and I have no idea if such a reunion will really happen.

Catsitting these two was quite a treat. 

I'm okay with the idea that one day I will find my answers. I don't need to hear how I'll be straight in the next life. I don't want to hear confused exclamations on how my feelings of the future don't align with someone else's. Why do we, the LGBTQ+ community, have to have a label? We don't have to have a label just as much as others don't have to have labels. Having my labels help me know who I am and I feel cemented down. I have a greater strength knowing with a certainty who I am so I can continue moving on into the future with enough hope to try to create a better world.

If you didn't have the label or identity of straight, how would you know who you were attracted to?

The word "gay" has evolved to mean different things in different parts of the society. In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, it was once taught that "being gay" meant you were going out and being sexually active with someone of the same sex. It was taught that it was a sinful choice and that it was an addiction like unto drugs. That continued for quite a while. The Church's current stance is that, "the experience of same-sex attraction is a complex reality for many people. The attraction itself is not a sin, but acting on it is. Even though individuals do not choose to have such attractions, they do choose how to respond to them."

So, by being gay it only means you are attracted to the same gender. Not everyone uses that specific label and say they have same-sex attraction or are same-sex attracted. Neither identity diminishes from the other, but they mean the same thing so there is no point to tell someone they are required to identify as one or the other. I have a friend who is Korean. I don't tell him he needs to identify as "Oriental" because it better fits my needs and is more explanatory of where he's really from.

The idea that there is a "gay lifestyle" that surmises the entire actions and desires of all those who are homosexuals, are gay, have same-sex attraction is an uneducated claim just as saying that the "straight lifestyle" means that all straight people are all doing the exact same things and every single action is holy and accepted by God.

The same goes for the "Trans lifestyle." There is no way that you can describe the lifestyle of transgender people as all the same.

You can see how that logic doesn't work for an all-encompassing label for straight people, gay people, Transgender people, and more. I don't want to take away your labels that you use for yourself. I don't want to inhibit you. I also don't want you to label me incorrectly because that's what someone said.

Best ministering companion and best ministering method. 

My being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is what defines what church I belong to and that is it. It does not decree who I am as a human being. It does not state how I treat others. Not all Latter-Day saints or all atheists, all Catholics, or all 7th Day Adventists are exactly the same.

Labels that we give others will affect them. Labels we give ourselves will affect us. How we treat the labels we give will affect who the label is attached to. Discovering how someone positively labels themselves and seeing their soul open up, even if it's a little, is one of the most beautiful experiences to witness. When you talk to someone in the way they wish to be talked to, the weight that's lifted off is another awe-inspiring thing to experience.

When we use labels to put down, destroy, exclude, make others feel lesser than, and other negative reasons, we are using our demolishing ability towards others. Damaging others has never brought true healing or happiness of the soul.

Where I work, I have learned about so many kinds of physical and mental disabilities that I am constantly reminded about how much I truly don't know about the mental and physical strains that people go through on a daily basis. From learning about Cataplexy to Conversion Disorder to Syringomyelia, there is so much that people go through. It also takes time to learn about what people go through and it really is worth that time.

The best way to learn about what another's hard times, easy times, and the many pieces that put them together is to ask the ones who go through it. I can guarantee in most cases, they will know better than you if you don't have those same pieces.

The stickers and labels can be beautiful. Our words can be beautiful.

Labels are beautiful and needed. They shape who we are and how we experience life. Some are temporary, some are permanent. They are different and that's how it's supposed to be. All we need to do is try to understand the true meanings behind them instead of decide what we think they should mean.

My favorite color is blue.

I'm attracted to men.

I am a child of God.