Why I choose to be a member of Christ’s Church when I didn't choose to be Gay-Month of the temple

This last month, I turned 27 years old. Usually every year, I do a "birthday gift for me" and they are things I really like and have been saving up for, or even quickly decide on. This year I wanted to do something spiritual for myself so I decided to go to the temple. I went to the temple every single week with a friend or friends either performing an ordinance or hanging out on the temple grounds.

                   With Mike at the Draper Temple             With Kaitlin at the Timpanogos Temple

Since coming out, I've had a lot of people ask me about still being in the church. With the certain policies, rules, and commandments we've been given, it hasn't made sense why I would stay in the church. People have asked why I'm staying in the church and not pursuing a relationship with another man. A few days ago I saw a homemade movie by a gay man. He was once interviewed and a video was released on the church website about him being gay and in the church. The movie I saw a few days ago was about him announcing how difficult his life had been until he started dating another man. I'm not sure if they're in a relationship, so I can't exactly say boyfriend. I don't blame him. I couldn't even come close to judging him because I understand why he is doing what he is doing and I fully support his choice.

I know multiple others who also tried to stay in the church and it didn't work out. I know those who just left without trying. I know those who are still in the church and single (You can read Ben's blog here). I know some who are sealed to their wives and are happily married and even have some adorable young children. Can you imagine how confusing that might be for me? Which path is mine? Which path will I be happiest on? Why risk it? It makes sense to me why people ask, "Why are you staying?"

With Kyle at the Timpanogos Temple

Throughout my life I've asked myself "What am I going to do about the church?" many many many times. I've viewed and reviewed my stances and what I truly want in my life. I don't feel like I owe this explanation to anyone, but this is why I'm staying in the church.

I'm happier here than I would be anywhere else.

Have you ever had that pure soul-filling feeling of happiness? Of pure peace and you're just so relaxed? Or you've done something for someone and they express their deepest gratitude and you have those warm fuzzies in the deepest part of your being? That's how I feel being in the church. That's how I feel knowing I have a loving Heavenly Father. A deity who cares about me and wants the best for me. It's how I feel being surrounded by so many others who feel and know the same thing. I believe in guidelines for mortality so I can live in the purest and happiest of places after this life. Having tested these guidelines to see how they affect my life, I have seen the truth that you can live a happier life following them. Knowing what I do about the church, about my Savior and my Heavenly Father, I have been richly blessed with a feeling of true peace and happiness. Who doesn't want that?

With Jamie, Tawnya, and Kaitlin at the Timp. Temple for my birthday lunch.

I have had so many spiritual experiences ever since I can remember. I have been able to share that happiness and spiritual experiences with so many people. Two of the hardest, happiest, and some of the most spiritual years happened while on my mission in Mexico City. The most wonderful, kind, crazy, amazing, loving, exciting, enthusiastic, and spiritual people live there. During my time in Mexico City, I received some of the greatest spiritual experiences and revelations in my life. I received some before and some after my mission as well. Having a connection to spirituality gives me more of those kinds of opportunities and it's what brings peace to my soul.

With David at the Jordan River Temple

A sense of greater purpose is there for me. It's a sacrifice. It's a hard sacrifice. But the point for me is there is a prize worth more than what I could desire or have here on earth.  My greater purpose involves following in faith what my Heavenly Father has told me is true. I don't even know what will be the end result. I feel like we go through that same process in life. It happens for me at work when my supervisors tell me to trust them. Sometimes I'm doubtful and I don't see how it's going to work out, but it often does. If it doesn't, we work it out when we get there and the result ends up better. In the spiritual case, I believe in a loving Heavenly Father who knows 100% of what is going to happen. I trust in Him that He knows what's going to happen and it will work out. He has known my life even up until this point as I have seen promise after promise fulfilled.

You can have your purpose wherever you personally want and my purpose doesn't have to be the same for you or anyone else. My purpose is solely mine and belongs to me. I want others to have their happiness where they find it. You can have it where you want. You can find your spiritual experiences wherever and however you want. For me though, it's in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I hope you can find your happiness. Me being here isn't about others. It isn't about others forcing me into anything or brainwashing me. I feel a feeling of ease and rest for my soul. That is my greatest desire. To find peace and a rest for my soul. It is here and here is where I am staying.