My Experience As a Gay Missionary

My heart was pounding partly from excitement and partly because my legs were trying to move as quickly as they could without leaving my companion or Mama Nico behind. Eyes frantically searching. Then I saw him, my father. He was sitting on a bench in the Mexico City airport like there wasn't a care in the world. He had come to spend time with me in the last few days of one of the greatest experiences of my life.

Soon after this picture, I gave my father his nametag that said "Papa de misionero" or Father of a Missionary

I hadn't seen this man in person for 729 days and I was thrilled to see him after such a long time. Having my father come pick me up was one of many amazing experiences I had on my mission in the Mexico, Mexico City, Northwest Mission. The next few days he got to put names to faces as I introduced him to some of the most wonderful Mexicans in the world. We got to tour the Aztec pyramids together. He got to hear testimonies from people I had the opportunity to teach about the gospel of Jesus Christ. He had the opportunity to be among the greatest humans ever. My favorite part of traveling with my father in my mission was us bearing testimony the last Sunday before coming home. I said mine in Spanish and then translated my father's testimony for the members. It was incredibly special for me to testify of our Savior Jesus Christ together.

My mission is one of the most important things to me, no matter what others think or say. People say things, but they truly do not understand. They guess, assume, and presume. The ability to share your beliefs and invite what brings you happiness to others is amazing. Meeting people you'd more than likely never have met before and seeing them follow their happiness is amazing even if it is not your way. Going to Mexico City, in my opinion, is the best location for a mission, but that's just me.

Mexico City is an absolutely astounding and awe-striking place. It is full of humble and wonderful people. It is also packed. It is extremely overloaded with people. It is in the top 25 cities with the highest population in the world, but it's not very big geographically. In my opinion, most of their food is quite delectable. There are certain foods I never have particularly been interested in like chicken feet, Menudo, or Tripa. Most people I encountered in Mexico City have very outgoing personalities. Some people were introverted and they were just as extraordinary. Many families are incredibly tightly knit and if you can become their friend, you have become their family. They have the biggest hearts. They stand their ground if they feel they are being taken advantage of. They feel that all should work hard together to serve each other. Many had the "all for one and one for all" feeling with their family and choice friends. So many have a desire to follow God and to praise him. I was so lucky to be called to serve specifically them for two years.

People have asked me questions about how it was to be gay on a mission. The main two reasons are 1) how do you teach and invite people to accept the teachings of God when the teachings feel like they are against you and 2) because I'm around another man for 24 hours in a day, 7 days of a week for 2 whole years.

Missions give you many opportunities to build a stronger relationship with the Holy Ghost, our Savior, and our Heavenly Father. You get to build relationships with people who you didn't know before and with people you already know. You get to learn a lot about yourself including your strengths and weaknesses.

My MTC district, (Left to right) Elders Watts, Welch, Larson, Deem, Steele, Peterson, Jones, and Barton

I don't understand the need to question how a gay missionary's experience was with their sexuality. Sexual temptations do not only happen to gay people. Sexual temptations do not only happen to men. To say that someone is protected from temptations or even the likelihood of sinning is lessened because they are not a specific gender or even because of their sexual preference is to say that others have no need to be tested. It is to say they are above sin and are stronger. One person is not exempt from one kind of temptation. To get this over with, I will tell you. It was the same as ever. It was hard at times and easy in others. Just like a straight person.  Surprise!

Heavenly Father used me being gay to help me be more compassionate. He helped stem my pride. He taught me that not everyone may be kind to me, but it should encourage me to be kind to all. You do not have to spend time with people who are oppressive but for the bettering of the world, you also do not need to be cruel. Some missionaries in my mission were homophobic which definitely strengthened the idea of staying in the closet. Some of the missionaries were some of the kindest men and women I met in those two years. One missionary who I always looked up to was Elder Lamb. He was a Zone Leader and he led by example. Things he taught me about teaching and the gospel have helped me in my life and I am eternally grateful.

Elder Pike ready for Christmas

I had some amazing companions who taught me many things. I had great opportunities with them to work together and help brothers and sisters not only learn about the gospel of Jesus Christ, but also accept invitations to follow our Saviors example and to join His church. We definitely had fun times as well as spiritual times.

Elder Layton and I in the La Laguna ward

I got to meet many people. Some of them were empathetic and kind. Some were doubtful of our intentions. Some of them were unkind. Some of them were discriminatory. Some of them bought food and water for us, but wouldn't say why. Walking down the street and having many people wave at us or hear a member yell, "Elders!" was not uncommon.  I got yelled at multiple times for the racism that is in the United States. I also got talked to about how wonderful the people in the United States are. I got spit on. I got hugged. I got sworn at. I got praised.

I got asked by a woman if she could take my eyes out and keep them forever. Yeah. Weird people aren't only in Utah.

One of the most precious gems in this world lives in Mexico City. Her name is Mama Nico. There aren't many people who can have my heartstrings tugged at just by thinking of them but she is definitely one of them. Mama Nico is the mother of a woman I baptized. I remember the first time I called her Mama Nico instead of "Hermana." She quietly whispered to Ana pointing out that my name for her had changed. She was extra happy that visit. She always made sure we had food in our stomachs, our clothes were clean, and people treated us right. She made sure there were no doubts that not only were we loved, but that we were loved by her. We weren't just missionaries in her home. We were home. We were with our Mama and she made sure we knew it. She expressed such passion in believing in God and how he helps us. She made sure her opinions were heard and she rarely budged. I think about her daily and my heart aches that I don't get to go see her for her big bear hugs whenever I want.

English Classes with Elders Disego, Ware, Echeverria, Barben, Steele, and Nogueda.

Another angel I met is Melanie. She was the daughter of a less-active member who had left the church years ago. I had met the mother once before months prior and she wasn't exactly kind to us. This time around (4ish months later and with a new companion), Melanie asked her mother if we could come in. She was reluctant, but we were let in to teach. Melanie was an incredibly bright girl and learned faster than most adults we taught. She loved the way we remembered the 10 commandments with our fingers so she memorized them in one night and taught them to her extended family. The extended family was a mix of different faiths and were happy she was taking religious classes. They also invited her to their churches, but she politely declined saying she was going to "the Mormon church." After about a month of teaching sweet Melanie and her mother, we could see significant changes in their lives. The mother seemed happier with less of a weight on her shoulders. One day as Elder Layton and I sat down on their couch, Melanie's mother said she wanted to talk to us. We glanced at each other, slightly apprehensive of what she was going to say. She told us that after the first time we taught a lesson and left, Melanie turned to her mother as they watched us walk away and asked, "Mama, why do the Elders have wings?" Her mother looked at us and said she didn't see anything. Melanie insisted that she could see a glow around us and bright beautiful wings on our backs. Tears ran down our cheeks as her mother continued to tell us that after we walked out of sight, Melanie rushed into their living room and was twirling around. "Mommy!" she exclaimed, "The room smells like flowers!" She didn't believe Melanie at first, but she testified to us that every single time we left, the house smelled like roses. I was transferred to a different area before Melanie got baptized. I will always remember her words. I was an angel to that girl and she was an angel to me. 

At the Aztec pyramids sitting on the Pyramid of the sun looking at the Pyramid of the moon.

Years later, I was sitting in ward council on a Sunday morning in Lehi Utah and I looked at my phone to check the time. I quickly stepped out and went down to the Stake Presidents office for an interview. President Rob Elzey met with me and asked me to be the Elders Quorum President for the American Fork YSA 2nd ward. I had been released as the 1st counselor almost 7 months prior to an amazing President Tyler Brown and I thought there was some mistake that I was picked, but I accepted. President Elzey testified to me of the amazing power of leading from the back of the group to make sure not one person was lost.

I walked outside and instantly called my father. I told him that I had been called as the EQP. He said, "That's great Dallin!" Tears flowed down my eyes as I doubted that I could even come close to doing a good job. I started sobbing and I think realization washed over my father that I was scared. He said the most precious words he has repeated multiple times to me throughout my life. He said, "God bless you Dallin." I sobbed some more and he consoled me telling me that I would do a wonderful job. I still had my doubts.

Finally home next to my mother

How could a gay man lead an elders quorum? How could he make a difference in the lives of straight men? I wasn't good enough to be an Elders Quorum President.

Over a year later, I was still the president and my second counselor Josh and I were visiting brothers in our ward. We were able to chat a little bit with one who I'd never seen before. I didn't know him and I didn't know about his activity in the church as some people go to their home wards for whatever reason they so desire (which is okay). He was a very shy person and didn't talk much. He came a few times to the ward after our visit. I greeted him but could tell he was still not ready to be too social. So I would smile, tell him it was good to see him, pat his shoulder, and then walk away. He kept coming and sometime afterwards, we as an EQ presidency had prayed on who should be our new secretary. It was him. I asked if he and I could meet and I then proceeded to ask him to be my secretary. The exact look of fear I am sure President Elzey saw in my face were clear to me in this young man's eyes, but he instantly said yes. I said that was great and then his face faltered. He looked at me and said, "I haven't had a calling before. I don't know what to do." I smiled and informed him that I would help him. He excelled in his calling. Later on, he found a girl in another ward and started dating her. Our singles ward was made up of singles from two home stakes in it. We were split up to be combined with other wards and I didn't get to see too much of him after that. He kept dating his girlfriend, they later got sealed in the temple and they now have a beautiful daughter. 

Later on, I was released as EQP and then immediately called as an Executive Secretary. They didn't let me get a moments peace (it makes me laugh all the time). After a while in my new calling, a girl in my ward texted me and asked me for a blessing. She'd reached out to me a few times prior to find out about activities. She said she didn't know her home teachers (Yep, I was alive during the era of home teaching) and she didn't know many men in the ward. She expressed the desire for a blessing of guidance. I gave her a blessing and as I conveyed the words the Holy Ghost wanted me to, I felt a surge of love from Heavenly Father towards her. I knew that my hands were on the head of an angel and an excellent representative of our brother Jesus Christ. Tears flowed down both of our eyes during the blessing. When I had finished, she expressed gratitude that she could trust me and know that I was a man who held the priesthood worthily. 

I think anyone and everyone can have such experiences that helps others in their lives. I just happened to be that president. I happened to be the man in that ward. I wish people didn't think that the mission stops or that they have to have the most amazing spiritual expreiences. I wish they would realize we are always on a mission and there are always people to serve.  There are people who are supposed to serve you. Missions don't only have to be when you're wearing a name tag and consistently in Sunday clothing. One of my MTC teachers Hermano Michael Eraso said, "If your mission is the best two years of your life, you did it wrong." He taught my amazing district that the years after should only add to the greatness of those two years of being a full-time missionary. Serving and loving should not stop when you step off the plane.  

With Steve, Josh, and Cambri at Bdubs (Buffalo Wild Wings) after almost a year of not seeing each other.

What is my experience as a gay missionary?

I continue learning that God loves me regardless of anything in my life and it's exactly the same for all humanity. God has shown and taught me that I need to do the same. Our Heavenly Father has many people for us to love and He has given me plenty of them. He has many people for us to teach. He has many people to teach and love us. A way that we can help others is by receiving help ourselves. True loving relationships come from serving each other. We can use our own experiences, even our own vices or struggles to help others feel they are not alone. God has used my struggles to help others.

My mission didn't stop. It didn't start on February 15th when I was set apart the night before entering the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah. If you haven't had the opportunity to serve as a full-time missionary, if you didn't have that opportunity, or even if you won't have it, it doesn't matter. God does not care if you've served a full-time mission or not. God does not care if you were an assistant on the mission. God doesn't care if you made mistakes or had an uncontrollable mental and/or physical condition that prevented you from being able to serve. You are still worthy of bringing everlasting peace to others. You are needed. Where you are is where you need to be. Where you need to be, there is work to be done. Where there is work to be done, there are miracles to be brought about. Help me bring miracles to the world in your own way.

Whether you're gay or not, tall, average height, or short, cute or cute (because every one of you is beautiful), Mormon or not,  blue-eyed or brown-eyed (or whatever color your eyes are), whether you like apple juice, orange juice, both or neither, it doesn't matter. You are needed. You are wanted. You are loved.

Whatever your situation is, you can make the world a better place. That is what I am trying to do as a gay missionary.