I Need You To Stand Up

Doesn't matter what the press says, doesn't matter what the politicians or the mobs say, doesn't matter if the whole country decides something wrong is something right. 

This Nation was founded on one principle above all else; the requirement that we stand up for what we believe, no matter the odds or consequences.

When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the world...

No, YOU move.

- Captain America

A lot has been on my mind the past few weeks. A very publicized suicide at Brigham Young University, a friend who was treated horribly because of things completely outside of his control, and a very special experience I had a few weeks ago.

At the beginning of my lunch break at work I got a notification on my phone that I had been tagged by a coworker and friend on a Facebook post. She tagged me in response to a post by a guy who said he was in search of having the opportunity to talk to a gay person who was also choosing to stay in the church. My friend had tagged me and said they felt I would be a good resource if he had any questions. I noticed he had added me on Facebook so I accepted and we talked for the remainder of my lunch. He seemed sincere enough and so we set up to meet the next day at the University Mall in Orem.

My Roommates' saltwater aquarium. I've named most of these fish including Peter, Princess Buttercup, and Nathaniel.

We met at the food court, grabbed dinner, sat down, and talked. Tanner wanted to hear my story and I shared the basics from elementary school until the present day. He shared his own story on why he wanted to talk to someone in my specific situation. There was a powerful experience he had in the chapel during sacrament that moved my heart.

I won't share the story as it would be a spoiler, (I'll include it after the movie is released), but know it was powerful and moving for me. It is a hard story to listen to, but it is a necessary thing to hear.

He said that in a specific moment, he felt the pure love of Christ for all of Christ's LGBTQ+ children and it strongly moved him. As we talked, I had the opportunity to answer questions, correct small misconceptions, and guide his wording to be accurate. The best part about talking with him was the way he responded and did his very best to not only understand the what and why, but actually apply what I said as we talked. He then told me that he was doing a production of YouTube videos and the name of it was called, "Outcasted." He said it would be focusing on those who feel that they are outcasts, more specifically in church. He mentioned other subjects he's planning on discussing, but he really wanted to hit on how LGBTQ+ people who choose to be members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. He wanted to talk about how we should be treated with love and not hate. We should be welcomed, and not shunned.

My heart was very full that night and I drove home smiling. Growing up I never thought that we would arrive to a point where a young straight man would get on YouTube to stand up for LGBTQ+ people saying we should be welcomed at church for so many people to see through the reaches of the online world. I saw in his heart that he doesn't care what others think. He knows what is right and he knows how others deserve to be treated.

The most powerful thing he said to me was, "I know what it's like to be an outcast and I never want someone to feel that way because of something they can't change."

Those words were music to my ears and relief to my soul.

At the filming with Tanner. 

Tanner invited me to the actual filming of that episode the following Saturday and I readily accepted. He invited me to bring someone else who could also help with their thoughts and feelings. That Saturday, a closeted friend and I went to Provo Library and sat in as they recorded shot after shot. There were  moments where many of us were moved to tears as he shared his stories. My friend and I would give our opinions and feelings and the entire crew listened intently. They were amazing. You could tell they were being respectful and desirous to get it right. They would retake a shot, ask for our approval, and treated us with the highest respect. My friend made a remark on our way home how strange it was that complete strangers knew about him being gay. I am grateful that he was able to have a positive experience with people who would not treat him any different based on that fact.

I'm so grateful that Tanner and his crew are doing something as wonderful as they are.

I am grateful that Tanner is willing to stand up so publicly and say that he wants me to feel welcome and loved. He is willing to fight on my side and that is one of the most valuable things to me.

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds. 

- President Theodore Roosevelt

One of my Walmart weaknesses....... Don't judge.

The person in the arena fighting for what is right is the one who is changing the world. To be in the arena you don't have to be making a YouTube production. To make a change in the world for the better doesn't require being famous or the one with the most praise, shares, or comments. The change starts in your heart and can continue with how you act, speak, and listen.

We all have a little "Make the world better" complex in us because we want to have an influence in others and be the difference. In many situations and cases, the changing of the world is usually in a quiet and creeping way until it we see the results whether they be positive, negative, or even potentially both. Change happens as many say, one mind and one heart at a time. It reminds me of the words of President Ezra Taft Benson in October 1989.

"The scriptures record remarkable accounts of men whose lives changed dramatically in an instant, as it were: Alma the Younger, Paul on the road to Damascus, Enos praying far into the night, King Lamoni, and more. Such astonishing examples of the power to change even those steeped in sin give confidence that the Atonement can reach even those deepest in despair. "

"But we must be cautious as we discuss these remarkable examples. Though they are real and powerful, they are the exception more than the rule. For every Paul, for every Enos, and for every King Lamoni, there are hundreds and thousands of people who find the process of repentance much more subtle, much more imperceptible. Day by day they move closer to the Lord, little realizing they are building a godlike life. They live quiet lives of goodness, service, and commitment. They are like the Lamanites, who the Lord said, "were baptized with fire and with the Holy Ghost, and they knew it not."

I cannot stress the power in numbers of those who think they are just a bunch of nobody's. There is power in the mass, even though the mass might not believe.

When you truly believe in the ability to change, the actual ability to do the changing arrives.

A friend told me that she used part of my blog to help her father understand that homosexuality is not a choice. As she shared this story, she gave me an overwhelming feeling of hope for my future. She showed me that she was willing to stand up for me and those like me. She defended me and it touched my heart.

I don't think you know how meaningful it is for those of us who are so tired and feel so alone. Observing or hearing someone stand up against unkindness or cruelty is a soul-moving experience.

As my friend Straton said, it's my "Self on a Shelf"

"We believe that the most terrifying and destructive feeling that a person can experience is psychological isolation. This is not the same as being alone. it is a feeling that one is locked out of the possibility of human connection and of being powerless to change the situation. In the extreme, psychological isolation can lead to a sense of hopelessness and desperation. People will do almost anything to escape this combination of condemned isolation and powerlessness."

-Jean Baker Miller and Irene Stiver, relational-cultural theorists from the Stone Center at Welleshley College.

A student recently committed suicide at BYU and there has been a lot of news, commentary, and pleading that have appeared through social networks because of this event. The moment I heard the news, my heart felt sorrowful and I quietly mourned for her. Within a week another friend said he was wanting to kill himself as life seemed to be all going down a black hole of confusion, anger, misunderstandings, coming from disgusting, self-centered, and unfair judgment as well as horrifying acts that happened to him.

Enough is enough is a phrase that is not in the past or is getting old. It is a statement we must keep changing and getting better. The progression that has happened sometimes seems unfathomable, but I know we aren't where we need to be.

Please stand up. I need you to stand up. I need you to speak out. I need you to follow up on your words, "I am here if you need anything."

One life is more than enough and we already have lost too many. Will you wait until it is your child or your friend?

We need you. I need you.

So please stand up.